after 10pm 3/13/2002

i turn depressed. i don't get it. it seems like every conversation i have after 10pm is about how sucky my life is. what exactly is it in my psyche that turns into a cynical, devils advocate at that time of night? Every conversation i have turns into these long drawn out discussions about how horrible my life always seems to me. I'm sitting in a huge house, on a computer. I have my own car (basically) that i pay for NOTHING on. my parents pay for everything. they're the most accomodating people in the world. they really are the best people around. and yet, when 10pm rolls around, i turn cynical. all those good things which i'm provided get thrown out the window in my mind. i don't get it - yet i expect others to?why do i pour my heart out to these individuals who have this plan set out for themselves? why do they need to hear about what really isn't a very shitty life at all? i want to see kalynn more. it seemed like back when we were always working together, i was a much more stable individual. I need that back. these mood swings that i hit late at night are troublesome, and i don't know what to do to stop them. -crs