i will never succeed
Jul. 28th, 2017 10:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crschmidtI will never succeed at the things I want to do as much as I want.
Whether it's work, personal life, or hobby; whether it's the main thrust of what I work on, or the smallest corner of it, I will never succeed as much as I want.
I will never be the father I feel I should be; never be able to spend as much time with the kids as I should, never be as able to listen to their stories or remember the things that I should, never be able to be the parental role model I should be.
I will never be a well-respected creator: Whether it's open source, or videos, or blogs, I will never be able to draw a large audience compared to those who I admire. When I say something, it will always be lacking a key aspect which would make it be said better; when I give a speech, I will always walk away feeling like I forgot the most important argument (which I will then try to immediately forget so I don't feel bad).
I will never be a model employee. I will never be effective as a coder as many people I work with. I will never be as able to concentrate and achieve as those around me. I will never be as dedicated or devoted to getting the job done.
I won't be a success. Because to be a success in any one of these requires me to give up time on one of the others, and I can never figure out which one I want. So maybe it's okay that I will never succeed: I will do my best, and I will achieve some things, but not all these things. Because the world is too big, and I am too small.
I may never succeed as much as I'd like. But all I can do is try.
Whether it's work, personal life, or hobby; whether it's the main thrust of what I work on, or the smallest corner of it, I will never succeed as much as I want.
I will never be the father I feel I should be; never be able to spend as much time with the kids as I should, never be as able to listen to their stories or remember the things that I should, never be able to be the parental role model I should be.
I will never be a well-respected creator: Whether it's open source, or videos, or blogs, I will never be able to draw a large audience compared to those who I admire. When I say something, it will always be lacking a key aspect which would make it be said better; when I give a speech, I will always walk away feeling like I forgot the most important argument (which I will then try to immediately forget so I don't feel bad).
I will never be a model employee. I will never be effective as a coder as many people I work with. I will never be as able to concentrate and achieve as those around me. I will never be as dedicated or devoted to getting the job done.
I won't be a success. Because to be a success in any one of these requires me to give up time on one of the others, and I can never figure out which one I want. So maybe it's okay that I will never succeed: I will do my best, and I will achieve some things, but not all these things. Because the world is too big, and I am too small.
I may never succeed as much as I'd like. But all I can do is try.